You sit patiently in one of the many plastic chairs arranged into a circle. A cup of [[coffee]] in one hand and a notepad in the other.
One by one your clients arrive; some awkwardly busying themselves by making coffee, others gracelessly taking a seat in the circle.
The door to the room remains open, allowing a cold draught to creep in, [[sending shivers up your spine.]]
Finally, the last client arrives. She rushes to her seat and does her best to make as [[little noise as possible]], embarrassed to have been three minutes late.
You need to get their attention.
-->[[Clear your throat ->Welcome]]
-->[[Shuffle through your notepad noisily ->Welcome]]
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It tastes like crap. You only got it so that you'd look like you had something to do.
You're going to need to pee soon.
[[<< ->Start]]
Admittedly, this isn't the only thing making you shiver.
Did you see what that last guy was //wearing//?
[[<< ->Start]]
She fails at this.
In fact, she's made the most amount of noise out of anyone here.
[[<< ->Start]]
All eyes are on you now.
(if: (history:) contains "Name Reply")["Welcome to Horrors Anonymous. My name is Dr. $name] (else:)["Welcome to Horrors Anonymous. My name is Dr. [[____ ->Name Reply]]]
Now, you all know why you're here today. You are all looking to lead a normal life within your communities. A life where you are accepted and valued by your neighbours. A life where you are free to live out your days as any citizen would, in any town, in any country in the world.
But right now, you can't. You're treated differently. You're excluded. You're feared. These reactions can lead to some strong emotions, which in turn can lead to some extreme reactions.
We're here to learn how to control those emotions, and maybe even use them to earn the respect that you deserve.
[[``But if you act like a monster, they'll treat you like one."`` ->Monster]]
(put: (prompt: "Your name is Doctor...") into $name)
You are met with an unenthusiastic "''Hi, Dr. $name''" in response.
[[<< ->Welcome]]
You meet the [[eyes]] of each individual in the room, ensuring they feel as you have made this speech directly to them. It's important they feel valued and respected. It's the only way they'll pay for a second session.
"Now, who would like to speak about themselves?"
Nobody wants to speak first. A silence lingers in the air.
[[This is getting awkward.->First patient]]
Or lack thereof.
[[<< ->Monster]]
Your eyes meet the yellowed chasms sunken into the pale, bald head of the vampire across the room. He looks around, desperate to see if you are looking at anybody else.
When he realises that you mean for him to speak, he [[physically slumps.]]
"[[Hello, everybody.->Vamp hello]]
[[My name is Count Orfeo.->Hi Orfeo]]
I've been a vampire for about 900 years now. [[It was actually my birthday on Saturday.->Vamp bday]]
[[I've lived in Hallowsbrook for around 14 years and seven months...->The vampire break]]"
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Your eyes [[meet->ghost eyes]] those of a translucent woman [[sitting->ghost body]] cross-legged on the plastic chair.
She fidgets compulsively with a long strand of hair. You notice that it's [[dripping wet]], yet the droplets don't seem to have any effect on the chair, nor the ground.
"Hi... [[My name is Samantha->Hi Samantha]].
I've been [[dead->Lucky]] for a little over 40 years, but I've only been a ghost on this plane of existence for the [[past three->The ghost break]]."
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You shift your eyes towards the demon perched upon the chair to your left. Its chipped claws leave [[deep gouges]] in the plastic. Its humanoid eyes stare back at you for a long, awkward moment before it realises that you are waiting for it to speak.
[[Clearing its throat]], it begins to talk in a grating, high pitched [[voice->The demon 2]].
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You turn your gaze to the amber eyed beast sitting hunched over on a chair. He looks at you with, for lack of a better expression, puppy dog eyes.
A cross between a man and a wolf, the werewolf looks painfully awkward in his posture. His [[skeleton]] and skin don't seem to be cooperating.
"[[Hello. My name is Noah.->Hi Noah]] I was born a werewolf, but my form didn't change until I was around fourteen years old."
[[Here we go...->were 2]]
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You turn to the ragged bandages that hold together the mummy, searching for the [[eyes beneath]]. You quickly give up, instead focusing on the brown teeth you can see through a ripped bandage.
Somehow, the mummy registers that you're waiting for him to speak.
[[He clears his throat, a puff of dust escaping from the depths of his ancient lungs.->mummy2]]
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You turn towards the rotting woman who is miraculously keeping herself upright on the plastic chair, despite the fact that a large chunk of her abdomen is missing.
(if: (history:) contains "puff of dust")[You can't exactly tell if she has acknowledged the fact that you're waiting for her to speak. Her single eye has stared dully at you ever since the other one rolled [[under your chair]].](else:)[You can't exactly tell if she has acknowledge the fact that you're waiting for her to speak. Her [[dead stare]] lingers on your face as it has since she sat down.]
Her body is in a serious state of decay. Pale, flaky skin covers most of her, but the parts where that has decayed show pale muscle or bone beneath. Her hair, however, remains a [[bright blonde]] colour.
[[You feel slightly nauseous.->zombie 2]]
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Judging by his extremely thin frame, you half expect him to snap in two when his shoulders slump.
Thankfully, he doesn't.
You're not in the mood to file another police report today.
[[<< ->The vampire]]
His long teeth protrude out of his mouth, making each word difficult to pronounce.
This is going to be a long night.
[[<< ->The vampire]]
''"Hi, Orfeo"''
[[<< ->The vampire]]
You absently begin to wonder what a vampire's 900th birthday party must be like.
"Happy birthday!" chirps in the ghost.
You decide that you'd rather be staked through the heart than have to witness it.
[[<< ->The vampire]]
How the hell would he know?
[[<< ->The vampire break]]
You hope he doesn't call himself that in public.
Unfortunately, you see the others nodding in agreement.
They shouldn't be encouraging this embarrassing type of behaviour.
[[<< ->The vampire break]]
"It's probably because I made Mrs. Rogers a chicken casserole when I moved in first, but I didn't realise she had a severe nut allergy."
You stare blankly at his ancient sunken eyes.
"Pine nuts. That's the special ingredient."
(if: (history:) contains "The demon")[Quewedahl turns towards you, beaming proudly.](else:)[The demon turns towards you, beaming proudly.]
[[`"My special casserole ingredient is the hollow scream of an innocent prisoner."`->Demon Input]]
Your eyes beg to roll skywards, but you resist the urge.
-->[[`"It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you need to drink your neighbours blood, no?"`->Blood?]]
-->[[`"Ah yes. How unfortunate for Mrs. Rogers."`->Poor Rogers]]
-->[[`"How do you know how to make a chicken casserole if you haven't needed to eat for most of the last millennia?"` ->Casserole]]
You make a mental note never to go to a dinner party with these people.
[[<<->vamp2]]
Orfeo [[recoils]], as if you had just slapped him right on his cold, alabaster face.
"I would never endanger the nice folks within my community! I haven't attacked anyone for years! Anyone who didn't deserve it, anyway."
[[`"How do you satisfy your craving for blood, then?"`->Blood]]
"She had to be taken away by one of those [[screaming trucks.]]
I never did get the bowl back. I must knock in and ask for it back one of these days."
[[`"Apart from the chicken casserole incident, can you think of any other reason people may fear you?"`->Blood]]
"I used to be the head chef in a Lord's manor before I was turned. Cooking was my passion, and I have kept it up over the years.
In the seventies I ran a weekly cooking class for the underprivileged youth. One of my students now runs a four star restaurant."
[[`"It's unfortunate that you can't taste any of your meals. But you do drink blood, right? How do you satisfy your craving?"`->Blood]]
He hisses as he does so.
(if: (history:) contains "The mummy")[Spittle lands on the Dedumose III's bandages, eliciting a low growl from beneath his covered face.](else:)[Spittle lands on the mummy's bandages, eliciting a low growl from beneath his covered face.]
[[<<->Blood?]]
"I don't feed off the local population, [[if that's what you're suggesting->Not Suggesting]].
You need to get to the root of this vampire's problems. You find yourself slowly [[dying on the inside]] the longer you listen to him.
"People are afraid of what they don't understand," you tell him.
-->[[`"You need to participate in more activities in your area. Give the locals a chance to get to know you better."`->vamp thanks 1]]
-->[[`"You should arrange a dinner party for you and your neighbours. Make sure to check with them for allergies beforehand."`->vamp thanks 2]]
-->[[`"You need to make more of an effort to connect with your neighbours. You should spend some time by that fountain you mentioned, and make sure to talk to anybody who walks by."`->vamp thanks 3]]
You assume he means an ambulance.
If not, you assume she is also a monster. Perhaps from Hell.
Maybe you should put a business card in Mrs. Rogers letterbox.
[[<<->Poor Rogers]]
Oh no, you were suggesting he's substituted blood for organic lemon ice tea that he has bought off the internet.
[[<<->Blood]]
Maybe that's how he feeds, you wonder.
It would explain your complete lack of enthusiasm.
You decide to check yourself in the mirror when you get home, to ensure that you still retain your healthy glow from your recent trip to the Bahamas.
[[<<->Blood]]
Your eyes don't //quite// meet hers. Instead, you look right through them and spot the tarnished coffee pot on the table behind her.
You need to pee.
[[<<->The ghost]]
You decide it's best not to think about the technicalities of her physical limitations.
It will give you something to figure out the next time you're stuck in traffic.
[[<<->The ghost]]
''"Hi, Samantha"''
[[<<->The ghost]]
Right now, being dead sounds a lot better than being here.
[[<<->The ghost]]
Do people still take midnight strolls?
You come to the conclusion that they don't. On account of the fact that people die doing it.
[[<<->The ghost break]]
That's a //dam// shame, you think.
You wonder why your mind says these things. It's probably because you are a horrible person.
You are okay with this.
[[<<->break2]]
A poor choice of words, considering the majority of the people in this room are undead.
[[<<->break2]]
"Well, I, uh... I felt [[angry]], if I'm being honest."
At this, she becomes visibly agitated.
"Nobody even bothered to look for me after I went missing! They just //forgot// about me! Threw me out of their minds like a piece of trash! And then, they didn't even have the decency to try and claim my skeleton when it was dredged out of the river!"
[["Did they know it was your body?"->ghost 3]]
At this, her hair begins to float around her face, as if she were submerged underwater.
You hope she doesn't begin to drown. You haven’t redone your CPR training in a few years, and you don't quite know how mouth to mouth would work with a ghost.
[[<<->How Feel]]
Her hair flops back onto her head with a loud //splash//
You hope she doesn't cause any water damage. You're the one who's going to be fined.
[[<<->ghost 3]]
She begins to chew her lip, [[contemplating->contemplating 1]] your advice.
"Huh. I never thought about it that way. I think you're right, actually. I'll make sure to get that done."
While she debates how best to pass on to the afterlife, you must pass on your advice to another client. Maybe one that won't ruin the carpet.
[[Move on->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'ghost thanks 1); >
You begin some contemplation of your own.
How long must you sit through these insufferable stories?
How many times have you screwed over clients with bad advice simply because you wanted the meeting to end?
How does one cup of coffee make you need to pee so much?
Lifes great mysteries...
[[<<->ghost thanks 1]]
The thought of water doesn't help your filling bladder.
[[<<->The ghost]]
You're not paying for that.
You'll hide it at the bottom of the stack and pretend you never noticed it.
Maybe you'll blame it on the preschool kids that use the room during the day.
[[<<->The demon]]
It coughs up three feathers that immediately burst into flames.
The smell reminds you of the patient you once had who spontaneously combusted during the middle of a session.
You still charged his credit card, and reported that he had burnt up on his way out of the building.
[[<<->The demon]]
''"Hi Quewedahl, Flesh Flayer of the Seventh Circle of Hell."''
He insists that we call him Dahl. His friends call him Dahl.
You wonder how many friends a torturer from Hell has.
[[<<->The demon 2]]
You nod along respectfully as it tells you this.
You have absolutely no idea what its talking about.
[[<<->The demon 2]]
You assume he means smiling.
Why anyone would smile at this creature is beyond you.
Perhaps they're blind.
[[<<->demon cont.]]
Time to help the next patient.
(if: (history:) contains "The vampire")[~~The vampire~~](else:)[-[[The vampire]]]
(if: (history:) contains "The werewolf")[~~The werewolf~~](else:)[-[[The werewolf]]]
(if: (history:) contains "The ghost")[~~The ghost~~](else:)[-[[The ghost]]]
(if: (history:) contains "The mummy")[~~The mummy~~](else:)[-[[The mummy]]]
(if: (history:) contains "The zombie")[~~The zombie~~](else:)[-[[The zombie]]]
(if: (history:) contains "The demon")[~~The demon~~](else:)[-[[The demon]]]
(if: (history:) contains "The vampire" and (history:) contains "The ghost" and (history:) contains "The demon" and (history:) contains "The werewolf" and (history:) contains "The mummy" and (history:) contains "The zombie")[You look for the next patient, scanning the room for a new face. With a surge of ecstasy you realise that there //are// no more patients left to talk to.
You've done it! You've survived the night, despite the mind numbingly boring problems that these creatures brought to you.
You need to get out of here fast.
Your brain can't handle any more work tonight, and neither can your bladder.
[[End the meeting]]]
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"Watch yourself, fool," it growls "Or I shall flay you alive like I do in the Homelands."
[[`"Do you miss Hell?"`->Hell]]
"Good things?!" It splutters.
"Yes, they are only trying to help you feel accepted."
"Confound these mortals! They are so much more confusing than the demons back in the Homelands..."
[[`"Do you miss Hell?"`->Hell]]
"I suspect she was not sound of mind. So I took the liberty to flay her alive, and let my brethren in the Homelands deal with her tainted soul."
[[`"Do you miss Hell?"`->Hell]] you ask.
"Oh how I long to return...
To hear the frenzied screeches of tortured souls... To smell the burning flesh of the wicked and corrupt... To relish in the sight of a mortal who has finally realised that their torment is eternal, with no hope of liberation..."
Its eyes begin [[welling up]], and you [[almost]] feel sorry for the twisted creature. You need to [[help it out of its situation->help demon]].
With blood, not tears.
At this point, you're not even surprised.
[[<<->Hell]]
Almost.
You lost your ability to sympathise years ago.
[[<<->Hell]]
You shudder at the thoughts of having to listen to this demon recite poetry.
You shudder at the thoughts having to listen to //anyone// recite poetry.
[[<<->demon cont.]]
"Hmph," it scoffs "Your words are wise, good doctor. Perhaps it would be best to follow your advice."
//You// think it would be best to move on to another patient. Perhaps one a little less unsettling.
But beggars can't be choosers.
[[Move on->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Demon thanks 1); >
You wouldn't be surprised if his skeleton came to you for help separately.
You don't do any family discounts.
[[<<->The werewolf]]
''"Hi, Noah."''
[[<<->The werewolf]]
You hate it when people cry in front of you.
It makes it harder to drown out their voice when they sob.
[[<<->were 2]]
Funny. That was your exact first thought when he walked in the door.
[[<<->were 2]]
You begin to think that if he were to stop moaning all the time, people might be able to stand his company.
You wonder how you ever got this job.
[[<<->were 2]]
He's obviously not waiting until they're in heat.
[[<<->were 2]]
"I know, doc, but I //want// people to like me. I //want// to be accepted.
I want to be able to walk outside and //not// have people flee in terror. They think that a bite from me will turn them into a werewolf! I'm not a god damn [[vampire]], for pete's sake!
[[Everybody hates me.]] I'll never be accepted by society. Anything I try to do to help myself ends up failing horribly. It's hopeless..."
This guy needs [[professional help]].
"It feels terrible, doc. Why can't they see that I'm [[just like them?->not exactly]]
I want to be able to walk outside and //not// have people flee in terror. I want to be able to get on the bus and //not// have everyone get off. I just want a normal life...
[[Everybody hates me.->Everybody hates meee]] I'll never be accepted by society. Anything I try to do to help myself ends up failing horribly. It's hopeless..."
This guy needs [[professional help]].
The vampire hisses at the werewolf, and Noah growls back in response.
You sense some kind of deep-rooted rivalry, but honestly, you couldn't care less.
Whatever they get up to outside of this room is not your problem.
[[<< ->Don't need people]]
Apart from his violent tendencies, abnormal hair growth, elongated teeth, heightened senses, sharp claws and loss of sanity at the full moon, he's right.
He's //exactly// the same as normal humans.
[[<<->I understand]]
He [[wipes his nose,->nose 1]] matting the fur on his hand with mucus.
"That sounds okay, actually. I'll... I'll try to take your advice into account."
Now, who's a good boy? Noah is! Yes he is!
[[Perhaps it's best to move on to someone a little less emotional. ->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Werewolf thanks 1); >
This includes you.
Perhaps the solution to prevent anyone who meets him immediately hating him is to make sure he never //meets// anyone.
You decide not to give him such good advice. Otherwise, he might not book another appointment.
[[<<->Don't need people]]
This includes you.
Perhaps the solution to prevent anyone who meets him immediately hating him is to make sure he never //meets// anyone.
You decide not to give him such good advice. Otherwise, he might not book another appointment.
[[<<->I understand]]
Aren't dogs meant to have wet noses?
[[<<->Werewolf thanks 1]]
You presume they've rotted away centuries ago.
You're not about to question the paranormal biological functions of the undead.
Maybe you'll Google it when you go home.
[[<<->The mummy]]
''"Hi Dedumose III"''
(if: (history:) contains "The werewolf")[You see Noah stand up and give Dedumose a small bow.](else:)[You see the werewolf stand up and give Dedumose a small bow.]
You can't believe someone would just bow to a man who has been out of power for nearly four thousand years.
You can't believe that the others look guilty for not bowing too.
You can't believe you're still in this job.
Life is always full of surprises.
[[<<->mummy2]]
Dedumose points to the ridiculous amount of jewellery he's wearing. From golden rings beset with jewels to the garish necklaces that hang on his chest.
You realise that if you were to kill him and take his jewellery, you could earn more by selling it than you have will ever earn from working in this dead end job.
The idea is very tempting.
[[<<->mummy2]]
You know this king well.
In fact, you think there still might be half a Whopper left over from yesterday on the passenger seat of your car.
[[<< ->rule anew]]
You get the strong feeling that Dedumose III and your grandmother would get along perfectly.
[[<< ->rule anew]]
Dedumose bristles, sending a [[puff of dust]] into the air around him and creating an awful jangling of jewellery.
"I left my kingdom in perfectly good condition! I expected it to remain that way! However, when I awoke, I found that my tomb was buried in the sands; forgotten by the public and left to rot. Yet I see young Tutankhamun has become [[quite the celebrity->Celeb]].
The boy had his fair share of admirers back in his day, but now he seems to be the staple pharaoh. Perhaps I should have put a curse on my tomb as well..."
[[`"Adapting to this new world can be a difficult adjustment."`->Adapting]]
Dedumose crosses his arms and leans back on his chair. You can tell you've put your foot in it.
"Oh sure, there's //loads// I can relate to. I can relate to musicians and actors living a pampered lifestyle, //like I used to//. I can relate to the peasants who plod through the streets like the cattle //that I used to sacrifice to the gods//. Oh, and speaking of the gods, [[let me tell you all this, friends...->gods rant]]"
You hope it's just dust from years spent in a pyramid, but in the back of your mind you know it's a cloud of dead skin cells.
The zombie sneezes when the particles reach what's left of her nose. Her right eye pops out, probably on account of the fact that the eyelid has rotted away.
You pretend you didn't notice it roll under your seat.
The zombie looks quite embarrassed.
[[<< ->Times have changed]]
Dedumose turns his nose up at the mention of King Tut's name.
You dare not mention that Tutankhamun has already visited you for help, on account of the fact that he was sick of being followed by an entourage of adoring fans.
It probably wouldn't help with Dedumose's temper. Unfortunately, you are being paid to help him through it- not to cause drama. Perhaps when you retire you'll give Dedumose Tutankhamun's number. You're sure that'll be an interesting discussion.
[[<< ->Times have changed]]
You agree with Dedumose on this. You once had a Greek god vomit into the coffee pot halfway through a meeting. He had been terribly [[hungover]] during your session after a week long party that, unfortunately, you had to hear the entire story of.
At least know you have some dirt you can use to blackmail a few divine beings should the need ever arise.
[[<< ->gods rant]]
As you recall, you were quite hungover as well. Not from a nymph pool party, but because you decided to treat yourself the night before, despite the fact that you had done absolutely nothing to deserve it.
It's the little things that make life worth living.
[[<< ->Gods]]
"What makes it //more// difficult is that I have to be surrounded by peasants and common folk. Nobody shows any respect nowadays.
Just yesterday, I had a rather obese man tell me to [[go to Hell]] when I ordered him to move aside so as to let my royal carriage pass. And don't get me started on the cyclists who think they own the road..."
You feel yourself drifting off, despite your best efforts.
Ugh. It's time to [[do your job]].
(if: (history:) contains "The demon")[Quewedahl sighs and looks wistfully off to the distance.](else:)[The demon sighs and looks wistfully off to the distance.]
You avoid the urge to look away and daydream also. Probably a bad idea. You won't be able to focus on holding your bladder.
That coffee was a really bad idea.
[[<<->Adapting]]
You wonder how Dedumose's body is under all those bandages.
If his bones are sore, he should visit a //Cairo//practor.
He mightn't believe in doctors, though. He was King of //Denial// at one point.
You should really get back to work. Your patients are paying you good //mummy// to help them with their problems.
[[<<->do your job]]
Dedumose muses over this advice for a few seconds, idly twirling a loose bandage on his wrist.
"You are wiser than I presumed, Doctor. You would fare well as a candidate for royal counsellor, should the need arise."
You're glad to be finished with this [[pile of pompous toilet roll->toilet roll 1]].
You need to move swiftly on to avoid the awkward silent moment between your patients talking.
[[Move on->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Mummy thanks 1); >
The vampire left feeling much less despaired, keeping the advice you gave him in his ancient mind...
[[//"You need to participate in more activities in your area. Give the locals a chance to get to know you better."//-> vamp advice 1]]
The vampire left feeling much less despaired, keeping the advice you gave him in his ancient mind...
[[//"You should arrange a dinner party for you and your neighbours. Make sure to check with them for allergies beforehand."//->vamp advice 2]]
The vampire left feeling much less despaired, keeping the advice you gave him in his ancient mind...
[[//"You need to make more of an effort to connect with your neighbours. You should spend some time by that fountain you mentioned, and make sure to talk to anybody who walks by."//->vamp advice 3]]
The ghost floated out of the building, pondering your advice.
[[//"It seems that you haven't gotten over the fact that your body was never found. Maybe you should let your family know what really happened."//->ghost advice 1]]
The ghost floated out of the building, pondering your advice.
[[//"You seem to be annoyed at the fact that you never got the attention you deserved. You should make yourself known to the world, make sure everybody knows exactly who you are."//->ghost advice 2]]
"You're right, doc," Orfeo [[beams->beams 1]].
"People just haven't gotten to know the real me yet. They're sure to come around once they know who I truly am on the inside."
You desperately hope he's right. For his sake, and theirs.
[[Now, to move on to someone else's problems.->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'vamp thanks 1); >
"You're right, doc," Orfeo [[beams->beams 2]].
"People just haven't gotten to know the real me yet. They're sure to come around once they know who I truly am on the inside."
You desperately hope he's right. For his sake, and theirs.
[[Now, to move on to someone else's problems.->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'vamp thanks 2); >
"You're right, doc," Orfeo [[beams->beams 3]].
"People just haven't gotten to know the real me yet. They're sure to come around once they know who I truly am on the inside."
You desperately hope he's right. For his sake, and theirs.
[[Now, to move on to someone else's problems.->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'vamp thanks 3); >
Please, make it stop.
The sight of his long teeth has you fighting the urge to raise your upper lip.
After 900 years of a liquid diet, brushing your teeth must not be high on your priority list.
[[<<->vamp thanks 2]]
Please, make it stop.
The sight of his long teeth has you fighting the urge to raise your upper lip.
After 900 years of a liquid diet, brushing your teeth must not be high on your priority list.
[[<<->vamp thanks 3]]
Please, make it stop.
The sight of his long teeth has you fighting the urge to raise your upper lip.
After 900 years of a liquid diet, brushing your teeth must not be high on your priority list.
[[<<->vamp thanks 1]]
She begins to chew her lip, [[contemplating->contemplating 2]] your advice.
"Huh. I never thought about it that way. I think you're right, actually. I'll make sure to get that done."
While she debates how best to pass on to the afterlife, you must pass on your advice to another client. Maybe one that won't ruin the carpet.
[[Move on->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'ghost thanks 2); >
She begins to chew her lip, [[contemplating->contemplating 3]] your advice.
"Huh. I never thought about it that way. I think you're right, actually. I'll make sure to get that done."
While she debates how best to pass on to the afterlife, you must pass on your advice to another client. Maybe one that won't ruin the carpet.
[[Move on->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'ghost thanks 3); >
You begin some contemplation of your own.
How long must you sit through these insufferable stories?
How many times have you screwed over clients with bad advice simply because you wanted the meeting to end?
How does one cup of coffee make you need to pee so much?
Lifes great mysteries...
[[<<->ghost thanks 2]]
You begin some contemplation of your own.
How long must you sit through these insufferable stories?
How many times have you screwed over clients with bad advice simply because you wanted the meeting to end?
How does one cup of coffee make you need to pee so much?
Lifes great mysteries...
[[<<->ghost thanks 3]]
"Hmph," it scoffs "Your words are wise, good doctor. Perhaps it would be best to follow your advice."
//You// think it would be best to move on to another patient. Perhaps one a little less unsettling.
But beggars can't be choosers.
[[Move on->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Demon thanks 2); >
"Hmph," it scoffs "Your words are wise, good doctor. Perhaps it would be best to follow your advice."
//You// think it would be best to move on to another patient. Perhaps one a little less unsettling.
But beggars can't be choosers.
[[Move on->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Demon thanks 3); >
He [[wipes his nose,->nose 2]] matting the fur on his hand with mucus.
"That sounds okay, actually. I'll... I'll try to take your advice into account."
Now, who's a good boy? Noah is! Yes he is!
[[Perhaps it's best to move on to someone a little less emotional. ->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Werewolf thanks 2); >
He [[wipes his nose->nose 3]], matting the fur on his hand with mucus.
"That sounds okay, actually. I'll... I'll try to take your advice into account."
Now, who's a good boy? Noah is! Yes he is!
[[Perhaps it's best to move on to someone a little less emotional. ->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Werewolf thanks 3); >
Aren't dogs meant to have wet noses?
[[<<->Werewolf thanks 2]]
Aren't dogs meant to have wet noses?
[[<<->Werewolf thanks 3]]
Dedumose muses over this advice for a few seconds, idly twirling a loose bandage on his wrist.
"You are wiser than I presumed, Doctor. You would fare well as a candidate for royal counsellor, should the need arise."
You're glad to be finished with this [[pile of pompous toilet roll->toilet roll 2]].
You need to move swiftly on to avoid the awkward silent moment between your patients talking.
[[Move on->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Mummy thanks 2); >
Dedumose muses over this advice for a few seconds, idly twirling a loose bandage on his wrist.
"You are wiser than I presumed, Doctor. You would fare well as a candidate for royal counsellor, should the need arise."
You're glad to be finished with this [[pile of pompous toilet roll->toilet roll 3]].
You need to move swiftly on to avoid the awkward silent moment between your patients talking.
[[Move on->Patient list]]
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Mummy thanks 3); >
You were told never to speak ill of the dead, but you figure the //undead// don't exactly count.
One of these days you're going to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and end up undead yourself.
You take a mental note to look up how much life insurance costs for them.
[[<<->Mummy thanks 1]]
You were told never to speak ill of the dead, but you figure the //undead// don't exactly count.
One of these days you're going to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and end up undead yourself.
You take a mental note to look up how much life insurance costs for them.
[[<<->Mummy thanks 2]]
You were told never to speak ill of the dead, but you figure the //undead// don't exactly count.
One of these days you're going to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and end up undead yourself.
You take a mental note to look up how much life insurance costs for them.
[[<<->Mummy thanks 3]]
"Thank you all for [[coming tonight]].
I know it's hard to open yourself up in front of other people. It takes real courage to do that.
Seeking help does not mean that you are weak.
Seeking help proves that you are strong enough to overcome your fears."
[[Mutual nods of agreement.]]
"I hope that my advice has helped you. I hope that you will take my words into consideration as you brave the outside world, tackling your problems with renewed vigour.
If you have any problems, //any// problems at all, you know where to [[find me]].
[[Thank you. Goodnight.->Goodbyes]]"
The ghost floated out of the building, pondering your advice.
[[//"Your body being discovered seems to have to been the cause of your problems. You should rebury it, ensuring no ever discovers it again."//-> ghost advice 3]]
You've heard of Hallowsbrook. Nice place, by all accounts.
It was cursed with a plague of rats on a drunken dare by a witch about ten years ago, but they seem to have recovered fine.
"It's a really nice neighbourhood, just south from Cairnsdale? There's this lovely park with a pretty fountain that all the young kids hang around at, and a small forest path that's [[great for an afternoon jog.->howd he know]]
You see, even though Hallowsbrook is such a nice place, the people there aren't very accepting of [[Creatures of the Night -> pls no]], such as myself."
-[["Why do you think this is, Orfeo?" ->vamp2]]
Orfeo decided to get involved in the local bake sale that was taking place in Hallowsbrook primary school. When one of the parents accidentally used rotten eggs for most of the baked goods, Orfeo, who had no need to sleep, was able to swoop in and save the day.
The morning of the bake sale, however, one of the parents fell sick. Remembering Orfeo's strong words on how they shouldn't believe the vampire stereotypes, the school rang him and asked him to [[cover her stand]].
Orfeo, wanting more than anything to get involved with the locals (as per your advice), decided a little sunlight wouldn't be too bad for him. Especially considering the fact that the school chose //him// as their emergency back up.
Twenty minutes in the bright, morning sun, however, Orfeo had to be [[carried away]] on a stretcher by the emergency paramedics.
Orfeo was excited by the prospects of organising a dinner party. Cooking was his true passion, despite his body's violent rejection of normal human food. There was just nothing like taking the roast potatoes out of the oven to find them golden and crispy, or seeing how the mix of uncooked ingredients blended together in the pan to create the perfect dish.
Remembering the incident with Mrs. Rogers, Orfeo triple checked any allergies with all of his guests to ensure there would be no incidents.
Unfortunately, it wasn't the allergies that caused the [[problems]].
Mrs. Rogers, deciding to give Orfeo another chance (and mostly because all of her neighbours had begged her to accompany them into the house of a vampire) was amazed at the exquisite taste of Orfeo's sirloin steak.
She enjoyed it so much, in fact, that she forgot to chew her food properly in her mad dash to absorb all of its flavour.
A lump of steak got lodged in her throat, causing her to heave and flail at the dinner table. Orfeo, being the good host that he was, tried to perform the [[Heimlich manoeuvre]] on Mrs. Rogers.
"That went well," he thought.
His next dinner party is planned for two weeks time.
[[What about the others? ->Start Werewolf Endings]]
As soon as the sun had set, Orfeo raced to the fountain at Hallowsbrook Park. A gang of teenagers had already claimed the spot as theirs for the night, and no vampire was going to stop them.
"[[Hello, neighbourhood youths!]]" Orfeo exclaimed.
Needless to say, the night did not end well. Between the hurling of insults and the tearing of necks, nobody was happy when dawn finally arrived.
But at least Orfeo had drank enough blood to last him for weeks.
[[What about the others? ->Start Werewolf Endings]]
She takes a shaky breath before continuing on, although with the lack of a corporeal body you're sure it's all for show.
"You see, I fell into the river one night when I was on a [[midnight stroll]] and drowned. Nobody ever found my body, so I rested there peacefully for nearly four decades."
You nod politely, feigning that you care about her story. [[Works every time.->break2]]
"[[Well->Calm]]... probably not. I mean, nobody knew that I had gone to the river. Well, nobody knew where I had gone at all.
I had run away a few weeks beforehand, and I'd told everyone that I had left the country..."
This woman seems to have serious problems, and although it is technically your job, you're really not in the mood to [[deal with her.->advice to ghost]]
Samantha hadn't seen her family in 40 years, but luckily they still lived in the same house.
With no conventional need for doors, she phased right through the wall and into the kitchen, finding her mother standing over the cooker just as if it were the day she had left home.
[["Hi mam"]]
Samantha's mother whirled around at the noise, her eyes widening as she took in the woman standing before her. Her child, who had run away all those years ago and never come home.
This, however touching, did not do any favours for her frail heart.
At least now Samantha has some company in the afterlife.
[[What about the others? ->Start mummy endings]]
Samantha was surprised she hadn't realised this sooner. What surprised her more was the fact that the //world// hadn't realised //her// sooner.
Determined to prove that she's more than just a forgotten pile of bones, she sets out to become famous- and what better way than through [[reality tv]]?
//"That's The Spirit!"// became a massive hit, especially with the older generation. Since Samantha died over 40 years ago, the over sixties viewers related closely with her views.
A recent poll has indicated that viewers enjoy //"That's The Spirit!"// so much because they get to see how their life would've turned out if they were plucked from the past into the modern day world.
Samantha herself was [[extremely pleased]] at her new celebrity status.
Losing their only star was disastrous to //"That's The Spirit!"//'s ratings. While the producers contemplated disturbing the resting places of once famous celebrities in a bid to hire a new star, their plans ultimately fell through, as no one could decide who they wanted to see back on camera the most. That, and the fact that not one of them exactly knew how to summon a ghost.
Thus, //"That's The Spirit!"// passed on into the afterlife of dead supernatural reality tv shows, alongside //"Where's My Mummy?"//, //"The Great British Spook Off"// and //"The Real Housewives of the Seventh Circle of Hell"//.
[[What about the others? ->Start mummy endings]]
Samantha knew where her body lay. Well, what was left of it anyway. She had awoken three years ago when her body was released from its watery tomb to bask in the sunlight of the open air.
Following the meeting, she began to make her way back to her body, determined to pass on to the afterlife like every other soul had.
When she had found her pile of bones, half [[buried]] in the mud, a shudder suddenly passed through her non-corporeal body.
Over the next few hours, Samantha and her father talked and laughed and reminisced.
Her family, it turned out, didn't search for her for long. They believed that she had moved on with her life, and that she had never wanted to see her family again.
After all apologies had been made, and past grievances set aside, Samantha could feel her soul fading away. With one last tearful goodbye, she left this mortal realm for [[lands unknown]].
She never did question why her father was out so late at night. She was probably better off not knowing, though.
He had begun to suffer from Alzheimer's disease, and would frequently take strolls at inconvenient hours to ensure the dogs had their daily walk, regardless of how many times they had already been out.
By the time he returned home, he had forgotten all about his encounter with Samantha.
Luckily, his dogs still had her bones. Memory or not, he would always have a piece of his daughter nearby.
[[What about the others? ->Start mummy endings]]
The humans here despise me as vehemently as I despise them. They ensure that my life is a living Heaven, punctuated with excessive interaction and a strange [[baring of teeth]].
One mortal had the audacity to invite me to her //[[poetry slam]]// competition on Wednesday night. She said that I had an aristocratic tongue and an elegant way with words. I had never been as insulted in all of my existence!
-->[[`"I think you would have done excellently at the poetry slam, Dahl."`->Demon poetry]]
-->[[`"I think you may be interpreting the humans wrong. What they're saying are `//good//` things."`->wrong interpret]]
-->[[`"The nerve of that woman. Who in their sane mind would try and invite someone to a poetry slam?"`->insane]]
He has literally spoken this one sentence when he starts [[tearing up->tears]]. You hope he doesn't smell of wet dog.
"So, ever since I began showing signs of lycanthropy... people have treated me differently.
They avoid me on the street. They point to the [['No dogs allowed']] sign in shops. They claim that I'll shed hair all over their furniture.
I have very [[few friends]], and I'm never able to hold down a [[romantic relationship]].
-->[[`"You don't need other people to validate your existence, Noah."`->Don't need people]]
-->[[`"I understand how this discriminatory behaviour can affect you."`->I understand]]
"[[My name is Dedumose III, former Pharaoh of Egypt->Hi Dedumose]].
I lay slumbering for centuries after my death before a small band of thieves decided to plunder my tomb and strip me of my belongings. Luckily, one of the imbeciles opened my sarcophagus to burgle my [[jewellery]], allowing me to escape the confines of my eternal resting place.
After savagely murdering my uninvited guests, I ventured into my kingdom to [[rule anew]]."
You decide to hold eye contact with one of them.
They'll feel too awkward under your stare to stay quiet.
Harsh, but effective.
-->[[The vampire]]
-->[[The ghost]]
-->[[The demon]]
-->[[The werewolf]]
-->[[The mummy]]
-->[[The zombie]]
-Change font size for emphasis on the "Hi, Count Orfeo" etc
-Make the choices more pronounced with a ->
- "Flee in terror" in werwolf make pun about flea
-DOg shit on sole, make a werewolf reference
-zombie advice sloghtly hard to read
-Ghost firt break make it more obvious
-Ghost "uhm" a bit annoying, either make more ort take it out
"Then, three years ago, the council decided to build a [[dam]] on the river, and my body was unearthed when a section downstream had dried up.
I found myself [[alive->wrong word]] in a new world, where everyone I had ever loved had moved on. The search for me hadn't been particularly exhaustive, and my disappearance was only mentioned in four newspapers."
[[`"How did that make you feel?"`->How Feel]]
"[[My name is Quewedahl, Flesh Flayer of the Seventh Circle of Hell.->Hi Quewedahl]] I've been subjected to the torment of this Earth since the last Great Passage, when I fell off my Chariot of Eternal Suffering and into the damnation of the [[mortal realm->what?]]."
[["Why have you come to this meeting tonight, Quewedahl?"->demon cont.]]
You wonder whether she can still see out of that eye.
You really hope not. You stepped in dog shit on your way from your house to your car.
The pedal scraped most of it off, but you can still smell the small piece that remains clinging to your sole.
For your professional sake, tracking dog feces into the meeting does not look good.
Here's hoping that she has lost all sight in her loose eyeball.
[[<<->The zombie]]
Perhaps she's fallen asleep.
With no visible eyelids it's quite possible.
Can she even sleep?
You presume due to the fact that her body is no longer repairing itself that sleep isn't something she would need.
Hopefully she won't stick around long enough to find out.
[[<<->The zombie]]
You honestly think that she's recently dyed her hair.
Her body is in a constant state of decay, her skin is falling off, her organs are liquefying and she is staying alive due to some unseen, horrifying supernatural force.
Yet she still finds the time to put a bottle of peroxide bleach in her hair to make it look fresh.
At least she's made an effort. It's more than some of your other patients can say.
[[<<->The zombie]]
Fortunately, to mask the stench of her rotting body, she is wearing a necklace made entirely out of pine tree shaped car fresheners.
Unfortunately, just above her homemade necklace, is her face.
Which is missing a lower jaw.
[[This is going to be a long night.->zombie 3]]
She swallows painfully, her [[tongue]] flailing about her face in a complicated dance.
You realise she's trying to speak.
Craning your neck and squinting your eyes to look like you're trying, you think you can make out the words:
[["Hi, my name is Joanna."->Hi Joanna]]
She continues to splutter and moan, her hands moving animatedly along with her [[attempt to speak]].
What's left of it, anyway.
You think you can spot a maggot burying into the pink muscle, but you dare not look to closely.
(if: (history:) contains "The King of Burger")[That Whopper burger in the car has lost some of its appeal...](else:)[Your appetite is waning, but unfortunately, the pressure in you bladder is not.]
[[<<->zombie 3]]
All of the other patients look around uneasily at each other, unsure of what to say.
You lead the group:
''"Hi, Joanna."''
[[<<->zombie 3]]
Joanna continues her enthralling speech, wowing the crowds with her heart wrenching stories and melodramatic descriptions.
The other patients can't seem to get enough of her, but fear not - she'll soon fall apart.
Then //everybody// can have a piece of her.
[[And the crowd goes wild!->Give advice]]
Joanna mulls over this question for a moment.
Throwing the questions that you're supposed to answer back to the patients is one of your favourite things to do.
Why try and figure out the heart of the problem when they can do it themselves?
Finally coming up with an answer, she conducts a lengthy analysis of her situation, reflecting on both on aspects of herself, and those around her.
To keep up appearances, however, you must also [[give her some advice->Give advice]].
Joanna looks to you for sage wisdom.
Here is where you can //really// flex your [[bullshit muscles]].
-->[["These problems which you have mentioned are stemming from the problems left unsolved in your past life. Until you've dealt with the skeletons in your closet, you won't be able to live a happy existence in the present."->Zombie thanks 1]]
-->[["You were ripped from your old life too soon, Joanna. It's terrible, it really is, but the faster you can learn to accept the //new// you, the faster you can get back to living your life just as you did before."->Zombie thanks 2]]
-->[["Just because your mortal life ended doesn't mean that your //social// life ended too. Surround yourself with people who value you- your friends, your family. Sometimes we need the help of others to get us through hard times. There's no shame in that."->Zombie thanks 3]]
The other patients will be really impressed by this.
They're sure to tell all their friends, if they have any.
(if: (history:) contains "The werewolf")[You know Noah doesn't.
But he's irrelevant.](else:)[Word of mouth is the best medium of all, as they say.]
[[<<->Give advice]]
Joanna nods along with your advice.
She slurs some sort of garbled, broken language that you assume is somewhere along the lines of "Thanks for your help".
Now to help [[someone else->Patient list]]. //Anyone// else.
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Zombie thanks 1); >
Joanna nods along with your advice.
She slurs some sort of garbled, broken language that you assume is somewhere along the lines of "Thanks for your help".
Now to help [[someone else->Patient list]]. //Anyone// else.
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Zombie thanks 2); >
Joanna nods along with your advice.
She slurs some sort of garbled, broken language that you assume is somewhere along the lines of "Thanks for your help".
Now to help [[someone else->Patient list]]. //Anyone// else.
<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Zombie thanks 3); >
The demon skittered out of the building before soaring into the night, its infernal brain replaying your advice over and over.
[["You need to learn to live amongst mortals in your new home. They may seem strange at first, but once you get to know them, I'm sure you'll get along just fine"->demon advice 1]]
Quewedahl doubted that he could ever live peacefully amongst the mortals, but he trusted your advice.
Returning to the dwelling he had... //inherited// from the recently late family who resided there, it decided on the best course of action was to learn how the mortals lived their lives.
[[It needed a test subject.->test subject]]
The demon skittered out of the building before soaring into the night, its infernal brain replaying your advice over and over.
[["Perhaps you should ask the mortals for help in getting you back home. I have a few contacts that travel to and from Hell frequently enough. I can put you in contact with them."->demon advice 2]]
The demon skittered out of the building before soaring into the night, its infernal brain replaying your advice over and over.
[["I'm sure the mortals just don't understand how to treat a demon properly. You're Quewedahl, Flesh Flayer of the Seventh Circle of Hell! So much different from your average Joe. People may just think that you want to fit in as a mortal. Show them that you're unique."->demon advice 3]]
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You called Quewedahl the next day and gave him some information about the people you knew who travelled to Hell.
Quewedahl was hesitant to interact with more mortals. Seeking your help was painful enough as it was.
But at this point, it didn't have any other [[choice]].
Quewedahl knew that the mortals he shared this plane of existence with were brutish and ignorant. Yet they were also weak-willed and malleable.
It was willing to educate them in his [[infernal ways]].
Walking by its new home at the time was a young boy.
Quewedahl, unfamiliar with human anatomy, believed this boy was the ideal average human in to base its studies on.
Stalking from the shadows, in which its demonic form hid best, it followed the boy for several days, noting every habit and interaction he had.
Judging by its observations, Quewedahl thought it would be best if it [[introduced itself to the boy]].
Sliding out from beneath the boys bed in the middle of the night, Quewedahl perched at the feet of the child and extended a leathery, scarred hand.
"Hell's greetings, small human. I am Quewedahl, Flesh Flayer of the Seventh Circle of Hell, and I have been watching your every movement for the past several days."
[[The boy was still]].
"Oh hey, you're that thing that sleeps under my bed, right?"
Quewedahl was shocked. It swore that it had remained undetected by the child, fearing that his experiment would be spoiled if the boy knew he was being watched.
"Don't worry, you're not the first monster that's tried to move in," the boy continued, nonchalantly.
"Are you filling in for that [[other one]]?"
Quewedahl leapt closer to the boy, its face pressed dangerously close.
''"Whom do you speak of, human?"''
The boy yawned.
"You know that skinny one with the snakes in its head? Three eyes that are constantly on fire? It used to live under my bed but I think my mam asked it to leave when she found it had gone toilet in my room."
Quewedahl felt a faint glimmer of hope.
Perhaps it would actually find another of [[its kind]].
"Where can I find this being that you speak of?"
The boy laughed.
"It gave me its number before it left. Said it didn't want to lose contact. We used to play chess when I got home from school. I'll [[text it now]] if you want?"
And that was how Quewedahl finally returned to Hell.
The other demon had a Bonefire Curser i20 carriage that could make the trip in less than a day.
The two demons meet with the boy every month to play chess.
Quewedahl has taken up poetry. He's quite good at it, actually.
You've been invited to one of his readings.
You would rather go straight to Hell.
[[You are glad that everyone has followed your advice so thoroughly.->Final ending]]
The first person on the list was a woman who ran guided tours of Hell to rich tourists.
Unfortunately for Quewedahl, she had caught a demonic cold while on a recent trip to the frozen Ninth Circle of Hell.
The symptoms ranged from a runny nose to internal ignition, resulting in the body's complete explosion from the inside out.
This particular woman showed the latter symptom.
[[Quewedahl moved on->moving on]]
The second contact no longer made any trips to Hell.
After a brief, but passionate, love affair with a demon of the Second Circle, he refused to ever set foot upon those cursed grounds ever again.
It would just be hella awkward. No pun intended.
[[Third time's a charm]].
Finally, Quewedahl found someone who was willing to make the trip to Hell.
Well, //willing// is a strong word. But he certainly had the //means// to make the journey. It only took an hour of flaying to convince him.
Only requiring the sacrifice of two beloved family pets, a virgin, and the man's visa for Hell (which was due to expire in two weeks), the ritual needed to open a gateway was fairly straightforward.
Unfortunately for the man, he was used as the sacrificial virgin.
But at least Quewedahl returned home.
Another happy customer.
[[You are glad that everyone has followed your advice so thoroughly.->Final ending]]
Quewedahl needed to gather all of his neighbours together in one place if he was going to talk to them all at once.
What better way to draw the crowds than by the screams of elicited by a good whipping?
Finding a suitable and wholly consenting volunteer, a large crowd began to accumulate to witness the flaying.
When he was sure that he had captured everybody's attention, he began to [[speak]].
Not because you care. But because satisfied patients attract more customers.
-->[[`"You need to learn to live amongst mortals in your new home. They may seem strange at first, but once you get to know them, I'm sure you'll get along just fine"`->Demon thanks 1]]
-->[[`"Perhaps you should ask the mortals for help in getting you back home. I have a few contacts that travel to and from Hell frequently enough. I can put you in contact with them."`->Demon thanks 2]]
-->[[`"I'm sure the mortals just don't understand how to treat a demon properly. You're Quewedahl, Flesh Flayer of the Seventh Circle of Hell! So much different from your average Joe. People may just think that you want to fit in as a mortal. Show them that you're unique."`->Demon thanks 3]]
"Mortals of earth, I have brought you here today to impart upon you some sage advice for the future. While this knowledge will be of great benefit to myself, it is //you// who shall benefit the most in the end. For it is //you// who need saving from the clutches of mankind's condition."
Quewedahl spoke for hours. The residents stayed to listen; first out of fear, and then out of interest.
The demon told them many things. At first, it was a lesson about how to treat and respect it.
But in the end, it taught them more than just how to treat a demon.
He was teaching them how to treat //[[each other]]//.
Quewedahl continued these talks on a regular basis, and soon they began to draw larger and larger crowds.
The demon was so full of wisdom, so passionate about its beliefs and so persuasive and motivating in its lessons that it became a symbol of strength and purpose in a world so lost and aimless, known the world over.
[[Quewedahl is currently running for presidency.->president]]
"Hell //can// be a place on earth. Vote Quewedahl."
The polls look promising.
The Flesh Flayer is set to become the next president.
[[You are glad that everyone has followed your advice so thoroughly.->Final ending]]
The werewolf bounded away after the meeting, feeling much lighter after getting his feelings off of his chest. Your words bounced around in his mind as he ran back home, relishing the wind whipping through his fur.
[["You need to let people know that you are //not// the monster they think you are. Prove to them that you're just as normal as everybody else."->Werewolf advice 1]]
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Unfortunately, he's come to you instead.
-->[[`"You need to let people know that you are `//not//` the monster they think you are. Prove to them that you're just as normal as everybody else."`->Werewolf thanks 1]]
-->[[`"Show them who you are beneath all of the fur and teeth, Noah. It's what's inside that counts."`->Werewolf thanks 2]]
-->[[`"You're different to regular humans, Noah. You're a werewolf. A Hound of the Moon. Until you accept that, you'll never be happy."`->Werewolf thanks 3]]
Noah was //not// a monster. Noah was just a man. Just an ordinary human man.
So what do ordinary human men do?
They do //[[sport]]//.
The werewolf bounded away after the meeting, feeling lighter after getting his feelings off of his chest. Your words bounced around in his mind as he ran back home, relishing the wind whipping through his fur.
[[`"Show them who you are beneath all of the fur and teeth, Noah. It's what's inside that counts."`->Werewolf advice 2]]
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The werewolf bounded away after the meeting, feeling lighter after getting his feelings off of his chest. Your words bounced around in his mind as he ran back home, relishing the wind whipping through his fur.
[[`"You're different to regular humans, Noah. You're a werewolf. A Hound of the Moon. Until you accept that, you'll never be happy."`->Werewolf advice 3]]
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Noah pondered over this while he sat beneath the moon on a cloudless night.
Beneath his canine exterior, who was he?
He tried to think back to the time before he was a werewolf. What did he used to be like?
He was a sporty kid. Funny, too. He had a lot of friends back then. In fact, he used to be in a band with his closest friends.
[[He used to be in a band.->band]]
Noah realised that ever since he had shown signs of lycanthropy, he had been fighting it.
He had tried to suppress his true nature, tried to fit in with the 'normal' humans.
He had been frustrated when people treated him with disdain, when he had been shunned by society, when his friends had left him because of who he was.
[[He was tired of fighting his true self.]]
Noah remembered reading a flyer stuck to the door of the building where you held your meeting.
''"Try-outs for the Cairnsdale Rugby Club held THIS Saturday at 2 o'clock. Men of all skill levels encouraged to come along, play some rugby, make new friends and have FUN."''
[[What's the worst that could happen?]]
When Noah arrived at the Cairnsdale Rugby Club, every eye turned to him.
"I'm, uh... I'm here to try-out for the rugby team?"
Placed as a prop at the front of the team, Noah's supernatural strength meant that he was unstoppable on the field.
Needless to say, he was [[recruited to the team]] immediately.
Noah hadn't though about that in years! He used to play drums in a band called The Wild Mutts. Funny how even then his life was signalling his eventual lycanthropy.
Scrounging up enough money, he eventually bought himself a drum set to practice on.
Noah felt that by releasing all of his frustration he felt at the world and himself out on the drums, he was a pretty decent drummer.
[[He felt like more than just a dog.]]
//This// was who he was on the inside. A musician who just needed somewhere to release his energy.
Getting in touch with his old band mates, Noah and his friends brought The Wild Mutts back to life.
Playing in various venues around town, the band became a well known local success very quickly.
Then one night, a [[talent scout]] wanted to speak to them.
The Wild Mutts hadn't gone unnoticed.
They were offered a record deal there and then, for a new album to be released in the summer.
The band rose to top of the charts within days with their hit single "Howl At The Moon", where Noah provided both drums and howling backup vocals.
As it turned out, being a drummer //and// a werewolf attracted a lot of [[attention from the fans]].
Noah now spends his days wearing sunglasses and baseball caps, trying to go unnoticed by the large group of fans that try to follow him every day.
Unfortunately, a werewolf does not blend in well in a crowd.
There's only so much you can hide beneath the fur and teeth.
[[What about the others? ->Start ghost endings]]
Being both the teams strongest player and their official mascot, the Cairnsdale Rugby Club soon rose up the ranks to become one of the best local teams of the area.
The other men on the team admired and respected Noah, with some even being envious of his unnatural strength.
He began to realise that he can be a man //and// a monster. Once he made sure [[the monster]] took over on the field.
"However, instead of finding solace in my past home, I was greeted with overweight tourists and a new ruler: [[The King of Burger]].
The citizens of my once great land paied me no respect when I returned. They had become savages, consumed by greed, gluttony and [[phones of the eye->Eyephones]]."
-->[[`"Times have changed since you last ruled, Dedumose. The world is a different place."`->Times have changed]]
-->[["`Is there nothing of this time that you can relate to?"`->Can you relate]]
"[[They're a bunch of drunken layabouts ->Gods]]. They are the most foolish, spoiled, idiotic beings this world, and the one beyond, has ever known. You may say that //I'm// the complacent one, but until you've met the goddess of beauty, you've never known true smugness."
[[`"Adapting to this new world can be a difficult adjustment."`->Adapting]]
It's best that you [[//wrap//->Puns]] things up quickly.
-->[["You don't need to let go of your beliefs that you held in the past. You just need to learn how to adapt them to the present. Find a way in which you can live like you once did, but in this modern world."->Mummy thanks 1]]
-->[["You seem to be unable to accept your new position in society nowadays, and that's okay. You've lived as a king for most of your previous life. It'll take a bit of work, but you need to regain the level of respect you once held."->Mummy thanks 2]]
-->[["People persecute those they see as different. It's in their nature. When they look at you, they see a monster instead of a king. Show them that it's what's //inside// that counts, not just what they can see with their own two eyes."->Mummy thanks 3]]
The vampire's unnatural speed and the close proximity of his fangs to Mrs. Rogers neck, however, caused to guests to panic. They believed that Orfeo was taking advantage of the weak woman to drain her blood.
Under a barrage of thrown cutlery and verbal abuse, Orfeo had no choice but to escape [[into the night]].
She was finally getting the attention she deserved.
She was so pleased with her afterlife, in fact, that one day her spirit [[passed on]] to the next world during the live Christmas special.
Using a shovel she had brought along, she began to dig a deep hole in the soft earth beside her bones. So determined to finish digging before the night was up, Samantha didn't hear the ruffling noise [[behind her]] until it was too late.
Whirling around, she spotted two large dogs running away with her bones in their mouths. She chased them through the forest, phasing through trees and floating above rocks, until finally, she caught up with the canines.
They had reached their master, and were now sitting patiently by his legs. When she reached for her bones, she was grabbed by [[the mans]] old, weathered hand.
"Samantha?"
She looked up, suspicious of how he knew her name. When her eyes met his, all of her worries faded away.
[["Dad?"]]
Noah decided to reach out to the werewolf community.
He was never one for joining packs- he had always believed them to be too 'out there' for him.
Going to the local werebar, Noah was met with open arms into the community.
"A young pup," they would say, "finding his place within the pack. That is nothing to be ashamed of."
Noah made plenty of new friends, both [[werewolf and human alike]].
The "A-Were-Ness" campaign sought to teach everybody about the differences between humans and supernatural creatures.
By educating people about the different kinds of creatures that lived among them, it taught everyone to accept one other for who they were, embracing the differences between them.
Noah is completely booked up for the next few months, attending speeches, conferences, festivals, meetings with officials.
Except for nights of the full moon. Those nights he allows himself to go a bit wild.
[[What about the others? ->Start ghost endings]]
The mummy shuffled out of the meeting, carefully assessing the words of advice you had imparted upon him.
[["You don't need to let go of your beliefs that you held in the past. You just need to learn how to adapt them to the present. Find a way in which you can live like you once did, but in this modern world."->mummy advice 1]]
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The mummy shuffled out of the meeting, carefully assessing the words of advice you had imparted upon him.
[["You seem to be unable to accept your new position in society nowadays, and that's okay. You've lived as a king for most of your previous life. It'll take a bit of work, but you need to regain the level of respect you once held."->mummy advice 2]]
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The mummy shuffled out of the meeting, carefully assessing the words of advice you had imparted upon him.
[["People persecute those they see as different. It's in their nature. When they look at you, they see a monster instead of a king. Show them that it's what's //inside// that counts, not just what they can see with their own two eyes."->mummy advice 3]]
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When Dedumose III ruled over Egypt, he had everything he could ever ask for.
Servants to attend to his every need, an endless supply of rich food and drink, citizens who respected him.
Now he was living in a one bedroom apartment on the fourth floor of a building with a [[broken elevator]].
Dedumose III hated this new society. The peasants no longer worshipped those in positions of power, they no longer respected the rulers of their kingdoms.
The only people who they admired were [[celebrities]].
Dedumose III had never thought about his situation like this before.
In his mind he was still the strong, handsome, magnificent Pharaoh of Egypt.
Yet in reality, he was a pile of dirty bandages wearing gaudy golden jewellery.
He needed to show them who he was [[//beneath// the ancient strips of linen.->beneath]]
His knees just weren't up for the job. Probably on account of the fact that the cartilage had withered away centuries ago.
//Withered away//...
Dedumose //was// quite scary looking. Being undead for millennia did that to you.
He was a respected pharaoh in the past, but he was also feared too. Perhaps that was what made him so successful.
And what did peasants do better than [[worry and fear?]]
Dedumose took it upon himself to creep into the homes of peasants late at night.
Convincing them that their ancestors had once owed him a great debt, he claimed that he was here to collect it: a lifetime of servitude to the once great Pharaoh.
Amassing a substantial sum of followers all threatened with The Pharaoh's Curse (Tutankhamun had gotten //some// things right), Dedumose III found himself once again living in the [[lap of luxury]].
He had found a way to bring his old beliefs into the modern world.
His new temple was resided on the penthouse suite of an uptown apartment block.
His followers now include those he gained on Twitter.
And he is good friends with the neighbouring King of Burger. They are considering an invasion of the McDonald kingdom in the very near future.
[[What about the others? ->Start zombie endings]]
Dedumose III couldn't act. He was too stiff for the stage.
He couldn't sing. His vocal cords had gathered too much dust after years of disuse.
Sport was not his area of expertise. He would constantly trip over his own bandages, and he refused to remove any of his prized jewellery.
What he did have, however, was [[something to say]].
Dedumose posted several YouTube videos, complaining about the state of the modern world and reminiscing about the days of old.
He took to Twitter to voice his strong opinions in 140 characters or less.
His Facebook page currently has over a million likes.
He has been invited to speak on a range of talk shows, to be the advertiser of many companies, and to be the promotor of countless charities.
//King// Dedumose III is back in business.
Be sure to like and subscribe.
[[What about the others? ->Start zombie endings]]
But you must.
-->[[`"It seems that you haven't gotten over the fact that your body was never found. Maybe you should let your family know what really happened."`->ghost thanks 1]]
-->[[`"You seem to be annoyed at the fact that you never got the attention you deserved. You should make yourself known to the world, make sure everybody knows exactly who you are."`->ghost thanks 2]]
-->[[`"Your body being discovered seems to have to been the cause of your problems. You should rebury it, ensuring no ever discovers it again."`->ghost thanks 3]]
Leathery, brown skin barely covering protruding bones was Dedumose's new look.
He flaunted it around town, relishing in the stares and gasps he elicited from onlookers.
And, just as planned, his distinct look [[did not go unnoticed]].
Dedumose was quickly signed on by a modelling agency, who //loved// his unique aesthetic.
Becoming a world renown model, Dedumose was on everybody's lips as the most talented individual the world had seen since the fall of Egypt.
Dudumose III is currently running the campaign "Shake What Your Mummy Gave You".
It encourages everybody to be proud of their body, whether they're tall, small, fat, skinny, alive or dead.
But most of all, it encourages people to remember:
It's what's //beneath// your skin that counts.
[[What about the others? ->Start zombie endings]]
The zombie staggers out of the building, catching a strip of skin on the handle of the door and leaving a fleshy chunk for you to find at the end of the night.
In her rotting brain, your words are repeated over and over again.
[["These problems which you have mentioned are stemming from the problems left unsolved in your past life. Until you've dealt with the skeletons in your closet, you won't be able to live a happy existence in the present."->zombie advice 1]]
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The zombie staggered out of the building, catching a strip of skin on the handle of the door and leaving a fleshy chunk for you to find at the end of the night.
In her rotting brain, your words were repeated over and over again.
[["You were ripped from your old life too soon, Joanna. It's terrible, it really is, but the faster you can learn to accept the //new// you, the faster you can get back to living your life just as you did before."->zombie advice 2]]
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The zombie staggers out of the building, catching a strip of skin on the handle of the door and leaving a fleshy chunk for you to find at the end of the night.
In her rotting brain, your words are repeated over and over again.
[["Just because your mortal life ended doesn't mean that your //social// life ended too. Surround yourself with people who value you- your friends, your family. Sometimes we need the help of others to get us through hard times. There's no shame in that."->zombie advice 3]]
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Joanna vaguely remembered her past life. Most of her cerebral cortex had rotten to mush at that point.
But there was one thing that stuck out as clear as the sun on a cloudless day.
Her [[best friend]].
Joanna was no longer the person she was before.
In fact, she wasn't even sure if she //was// a person at all.
She needed to find something new- a hobby, a passion- something to reinvent herself with.
Joanna found [[art]].
Joanna had been secluding herself from those she loved after her zombification.
She was afraid of what people would think of her in her current state.
Summoning up as much courage as she could muster, Joanna headed [[home]].
Joanna's best friend, Morgan, had been with her the night she turned into a zombie.
Joanna couldn't remember many of the specifics. Something to do with an argument they had, and a car crash.
But she did know one thing:
[[Morgan had left her to die.]]
Joanna made her way to Morgan's house, determined to give her a piece of her mind.
Not literally, of course. She was running out of intact brains very rapidly.
Banging on her front door, Joanna screamed out Morgan's name as best as she could. She waited for what felt like hours before [[someone]] finally answered the door.
It was Morgan.
But not the way Joanna remembered her.
Morgan was now a zombie too. And she was in [[worse shape]] than Joanna.
Seeing her best friend like this, rotting and bitten, with one leg completely missing and the other in bad shape, Joanna forgot all past grievances.
Helping Morgan back into the sitting room, the two sat down together, holding each other tightly for fear of losing each other again.
No words were needed to convey their feelings. They were together in the end, just as they should've been in the first place.
Being a zombie had allowed them to cherish their last few days together with no regrets.
Best friends until the end.
[[What about the others? ->Start demon endings]]
She had never been much of an artist in her past life. She was more of a logic and numbers girl, with no room for art in her mind.
The perks of having the most of the left side of her brain deteriorated was that it left room for all of the [[creative thoughts]] of the right side.
At first, Joanna had tried the traditional path of art through paint.
Unfortunately, her fine motor skills were not like they used to be. Holding a paint brush properly was nearly impossible.
In a shout of frustration and rage over her inability, part of her pharynx and cheek flew loose and landed on the canvas, alongside a splatter of blood.
It created intricate and thought-provoking series of splotches juxtaposed against the creamy white canvas.
It was... [[beautiful]].
Joanna's art exhibition was a huge success among critics and casual modern art fans alike.
''"a¦dying¦art"'' contained 47 pieces of art constructed entirely from Joanna's rotting body.
Joanna's next project will involve her using the last remaining body parts in an inticate display, combining light, sound, and visuals to showcase her final moments.
Joanna will live on forever through her art.
[[What about the others? ->Start demon endings]]
Her sister was the one to answer the door.
"Oh my ''god'', Joanna!
Did you dye your hair ''blonde''?!"
It was only after Joanna tried to tell her that she had got it done last Tuesday and it had cost her an arm and a leg (which was very close to the truth, but she didn't mention that) did her sister realise that she was [[missing half of her face]].
Her mother and father came downstairs to see what all of the screaming was about.
They couldn't believe she'd gone blonde either.
Knowing all of Joanna's mannerisms, they were able to communicate quite efficiently. Joanna let them know that she wanted to be close to them during her last few weeks undead.
Joanna's mother insisted that if she just ran her rotted parts under a cold tap she would be alright.
Joanna's //father//, on the other hand, had a [[better idea]].
His line of work was in the manufacturing of prosthetic limbs.
Calling upon his colleagues for help, Joanna was completely refitted with prosthetic enhancements to her deteriorating body, enabling her to walk and talk properly again.
These aids only lasted a short while, however. A [[rotting brain]] is not so easy to replace.
Joanna's last few weeks surrounded by her family reminded her of how lucky she was to have a second chance to see them.
Without her supernatural second life, she would not have been able to spend the quality time with her family at the end of her life.
It was a tearful farewell for all.
Well, Joanna's tear ducts didn't function at that point, but the intent was there.
Joanna is finally at peace.
[[What about the others? ->Start demon endings]]
And more importantly, for paying.
[[<<->End the meeting]]
Patients always love this speech. They find it very inspiring.
You literally stole it straight from a therapists hand book that you found in the library.
[[<<->End the meeting]]
You charge by the hour.
[[<<->End the meeting]]
As each one of your patients leave the room, you breath a sigh of relief.
You rush to the bathroom once everyone has left, convinced that you have a kidney infection from holding it in that long.
The coffee was a //really// bad idea.
As you feel your bladder and mind rapidly clearing, you wonder about your patients.
[[What will they do now with your //professional// advice?->Start vamp ending]]
(if: (history:) contains "vamp thanks 1")[[[The vampire->Vamp Ending 1]]](if: (history:) contains "vamp thanks 2")[[[The vampire->Vamp Ending 2]]](if: (history:) contains "vamp thanks 3")[[[The vampire->Vamp Ending 3]]]
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(if: (history:) contains "Werewolf thanks 1")[[[The Werewolf->Werewolf Ending 1]]](if: (history:) contains "Werewolf thanks 2")[[[The Werewolf->Werewolf Ending 2]]](if: (history:) contains "Werewolf thanks 3")[[[The Werewolf->Werewolf Ending 3]]]
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His pearl white flesh may be forever scarred and charred - but his heroic actions to save the bake sale were recognised by all of Hallowsbrook. Orfeo became a friend to all of the community- just as he had so badly desired.
[[What about the others? ->Start Werewolf Endings]]
When the full moon was clear in the sky, and Noah's animal instincts took over, his teammates would lock him in a cage in the clubhouse and laugh and drink and sing to his roars.
They made sure to take lots of embarrassing photos to show him the morning after.
What more could you ask for from your pack?
[[What about the others? ->Start ghost endings]]
(if: (history:) contains "ghost thanks 1")[[[The ghost->Ghost Ending 1]]](if: (history:) contains "ghost thanks 2")[[[The ghost->Ghost Ending 2]]](if: (history:) contains "ghost thanks 3")[[[The ghost->Ghost Ending 3]]]
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(if: (history:) contains "Mummy thanks 1")[[[The mummy->Mummy Ending 1]]](if: (history:) contains "Mummy thanks 2")[[[The mummy->Mummy Ending 2]]](if: (history:) contains "Mummy thanks 3")[[[The mummy->Mummy Ending 3]]]
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(if: (history:) contains "Zombie thanks 1")[[[The zombie->Zombie Ending 1]]](if: (history:) contains "Zombie thanks 2")[[[The zombie->Zombie Ending 2]]](if: (history:) contains "Zombie thanks 3")[[[The zombie->Zombie Ending 3]]]
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(if: (history:) contains "Demon thanks 1")[[[The demon->Demon Ending 1]]](if: (history:) contains "Demon thanks 2")[[[The demon->Demon Ending 2]]](if: (history:) contains "Demon thanks 1")[[[The demon->Demon Ending 3]]]
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Another day of work done.
Another round of patients blindly following your untrustworthy advice.
Once they recommend Dr. $name to their friends you really don't care.
If you have learned anything from tonight, it is [[this->Credits]].
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Do ''//not//'' drink coffee before an important meeting.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Horrors Anonymous
By Ben Chill
itch: https://ben-chill.itch.io/
Twitter: @AlexChahill
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/QQdHaEP.png" width="650" height="500" alt="Horror Anon">
[[Start]]
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Soon he began to realise that, while werewolves and humans have their differences, it was these distinctions that truly brought them together.
If everybody was exactly the same, the world would be an awfully boring place.
With this new understanding of life, Noah decided that this knowledge needed to be [[shared]].
You nod along, murmuring "yes" and "uh huh" as she confesses an extremely long tale, supposedly, full of woe.
You have absolutely no idea what she's said.
-->[["And how does that make you feel?"->How does it feel]]
-->[["I understand. Where do //you// think these feelings stem from?"->Feelings]]
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(text-style: "emboss")[Eat ya own ass]
(text-style: "rumble")[Eat ya own ass]
(text-style: "condense")[Eat ya own ass]
(text-style: "fade-in-out")[Eat ya own ass]